SPOILERS: Web MD is like a Choose Your Own Adventure book where the ending is always cancer.

In the interest of saving time for my mom and all of the technologically-challenged masses who insist on checking WebMD for every symptom, I’ve created this handy flow-chart.

Simply print this out and post it near your monitor or keep it with your laptop, and, Voila! Your own instant analog Web MD is ready for use, no internet connection or computer skills, required.